


Cold Dreams

by elvanshalee



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ignores the end of Thor Ragnarok, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvanshalee/pseuds/elvanshalee
Summary: Loki's Jotun form is beautiful and Tony loves it. It is cold but Tony can handle that. Or can he?





	Cold Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the tags, there is descriptions and discussions of panic attacks and PTSD.

Another nightmare. It had been a while since his last one, at least a few weeks. But this time he knew what had caused it. The cold. 

Tony had never liked the cold much. Afghanistan had made it worse. He would never forget how cold the nights had been in that cave or how cold the water was on his face. But after that, he could still handle the cold days. There had been a lot of triggers for his panic attacks but snow, ice and freezing temperatures hadn’t been one of them. 

Then there had been the battle of New-York. Space had been cold too but the suit had protected him from most of it. He had liked to be a little more covered after it but it still wasn’t something he worried about. 

But then… then Siberia had happened. He could remember the long hours, cold creeping into his bones as he was stuck in his armor, unable to move. He had been unable to move his hands and feet by the time he had been rescued. Since then, the cold had been a problem. He avoided snow like the plague, always wore thick clothes as soon as the temperatures dropped and the heating was almost always high in the tower. It should have been enough to prevent his current situation. But staying warm was hard when your partner was freezing. 

Thor and the population of Asgard had arrived two years ago. Bruce Banner being with them had been a good surprise. Loki being here as well, not so much. At least at first. But he had been helpful and once he had proven he was on the right side, Tony had been fascinated by him. They had become friends easily and more than that a few months later. 

A few weeks ago they had taken a new step in their relationship. Loki had shown him his Jotun appearance and Tony had found him stunning. So they had decided that Loki would sometimes stay in this form, hoping it would help him accept this part of himself. And it seemed to work, Loki looked much more comfortable than he had been the first time, so much that he slept like that peacefully. Which would have been perfect if he hadn’t been so goddamn cold. Tony had barely been able to fall asleep and now he was on the edge of panic. He couldn’t let Loki see him like that so he slid out of the bed and walked quietly to the elevator. Once in his lab, he wrapped himself in a blanket and opened one of his projects. 

“Friday, raise the temperature.”

She did it and after a few minutes he could focus enough to start working and forget about what had happened. In the morning, Loki got in the lab. 

“You’re usually still in bed when I wake up.” 

Tony raised his eyes from the screen to look at Loki, thankfully he wasn’t blue anymore. 

“Good morning to you too Lokes.”   
Loki just rolled his eyes at that and Tony continued.   
“I had a brilliant idea I needed to work on. You know I can’t resist the call of science.”

Loki didn’t look convinced and Tony wondered, not for the first time, why he even tried lying to the god of lies. But Loki didn’t push for the truth and the rest of the day went as usual. Tony would be okay, he just needed to get used to Loki’s skin then everything would be alright again. At least that’s what he thought. 

 

A few days later, Tony was in the lab again and Loki joined him as he often did. Blue arms wrapped around him and he was pressed to a cold body.  
“Would you like to take a break Anthony?”  
But Tony didn’t hear it. Couldn’t hear anything. His mind was stuck in Siberia again, his body unable to move. If he didn’t move, he would start freezing, he could already feel the ice spreading on his skin, covering him. Breathing was painful and he was sure his lungs were filling with ice too. 

Loki had pulled away when he had felt Tony’s breath becoming more erratic. He changed his appearance and grabbed him again when he saw his legs giving up. He gently helped him to sit down without letting him fall. It wasn’t the first panic attack he had witnessed with his lover but this time he had no idea what could have triggered it. Loki kept Tony close, it usually helped to have someone with him. He whispered in Tony’s ear, telling him where he was, that he was safe. It took a while for Tony’s heartbeat to come back to normal. He took a few deep breaths and turned in Loki’s arms. 

“Sorry Loki. Been a long time since I’ve had one that bad.” 

“There’s no need to apologize. Can you tell me what happened?” 

Tony let out a sigh. 

“I remembered Siberia.” 

They had talked about it before of course and Loki knew it had been one of the long list of traumatic events in Tony’s life. But that wasn’t really an explanation, something Tony wasn’t telling him. That made him frown, Tony and him usually shared these kind of things and found solace in each other comfort. Knowing Tony, if he didn’t talk it was probably because he thought what he had to say would hurt him. 

“Was it my fault, did I do something to trigger it?”

Tony stayed silent and that was enough answer. 

“If you don’t tell me what it was, then how can I know how to avoid doing it again?”

Tony persisted in his silence so Loki thought more about what had happened. He had come from behind to hold Tony but it was far from the first time and he had never noticed any discomfort in his lover. What had been different from usual had been… his appearance. Tony had never seemed scared of it but maybe he was a better at lying than he thought. 

“It was my skin, wasn’t it?” 

Tony flinched but his eyes met Loki’s. 

“You know I love you. Blue skin included.”

“Then tell me!” Loki let his nervousness slip in his voice. Was it so bad that Tony didn’t dare tell?

Tony’s shoulders slumped and he suddenly seemed more interested in the ground than by that Loki. 

“The cold...” 

Loki’s eyes widened when realized what Tony meant. His first thought was ‘of course’. Of course a Jotun would hurt the one he loved, make him live one of the worst part of his life again. But Loki didn’t let self loathing consume him, that was what had caused Tony to not tell him in the first place. 

“Anthony, if my skin had been so cold that it was hurting you, physically hurting you, would you have told me?” 

“Of course!” 

There wasn’t a hint of hesitation in his voice. 

“Good, you wouldn’t let me hurt you. Now do you think I value your mental health any less?” 

Once again, there was no hesitation.

“I know you don’t! But you were so nervous the first time and I thought I could handle it. And I can, I was fine, it’s just the surprise...” 

“So fine that you had to flee from our bed?”

Tony sighed. 

“I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

Loki pulled Tony closer. 

“I can still show this form but use my magic to make sure my skin doesn’t get too cold. I should have thought about that sooner. But please don’t hide these kind of things again. It doesn’t make me feel better to know that I have been hurting you without even being aware of it.” 

“You’re right.” Tony admitted. 

“As usual.” Loki teased which made Tony chuckle. 

“I wouldn’t go that far. But I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hid it, it wasn’t fair for either of us.” 

“Apologies accepted. Now I have a few activities in mind to make sure you stay warm.” Loki whispered as he rolled his hips slightly. 

“Oh? I wouldn’t mind that.” Tony answered with a grin on his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic! If you did don't hesitate to leave a comment and if you didn't I'd like to know why.


End file.
